"Secrets and Your Relationships"

             By Susie and Otto Collins

Have you ever kept a secret of any kind from your

partner or mate?  Most of us have kept secrets

of one kind or another from the important people

in our lives.  We'd like to suggest that keeping

secrets will not build a conscious, connected,

creative, alive relationship--of any kind.

If we would give relationship advice,
dating advice, or marriage advice on this topic
it would be this--keeping secrets will almost always
create distance, separation and painful circumstances--
not to mention the possibility of jealousy, affairs and
even divorce. 

We're not talking about the secrets that other people
have asked you to keep.  We're talking about

withholding information that prevents someone from

knowing who you really are, how you feel and

what's underneath what you're willing to show

everyone else.

 

Like many groups of women across the United

States, Susie saw the movie "Divine Secrets of

the Ya-Ya Sisterhood" with a group of friends

this week.  In the movie there was an unspoken

secret that was so painful that it created an emotional

distance and separation between a mother and

daughter that lasted for many years.  When the

secret was revealed, the daughter said that if she

had known the truth earlier, it would have saved her

thousands of dollars that she had paid for years of

psychotherapy.

Many people believe that they are better off if they

just bury or ignore a important truth. They believe

that they can continue to live their lives in peace

without having to deal with the issues that are

important to them. 

If there's any marriage advice that we would give
is that if it's important, the issues don't just go away.
 

So the question is--Is it ever appropriate to keep

secrets in a relationship that is important to you? 

We would say that it depends on your intentions

for the relationship.  If you want a close,

connected, alive relationship, there is no place

for secrets between you. 

If you feel that there are things that you can't share

with your soulmate, that's an indicator of

the work that's to be done in these relationships.

 

If there are painful issues from a broken heart in
your past that you continue to withhold out of fear
that it will damage a relationship if you share them,
you may want to seek the help of a counselor or
therapist to support you as these secrets come to
light.

If you are withholding information in relationships

that are important to you, please understand that

secrets build walls and keep you from connecting

with the people in your life. 

When you begin the process of truly opening yourself

to the people in your life, you will find that this will

allow you to create more vibrant, alive relationships

of all kinds. 

These free relationship tips are given with the hope
the you will consider how secrets can impact your
relationships and think twice before you do it.